Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
