Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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