No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
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There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
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It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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