Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
