Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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