Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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