i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
