does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
