only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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