while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
