well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
