so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize