Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
