Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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