There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
