the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
