dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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