it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
