He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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