fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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