you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
