I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
