I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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