I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
