I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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