No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Randomize
