I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
