pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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