thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Never underestimate the power of titties
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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