Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
