i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
