can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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