somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
