I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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