I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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