Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
false alarm, still single
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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