you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
