i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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