just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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