im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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