I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
