I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
