About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
