well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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