this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When are your genitals available?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
