Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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