i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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