You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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