I love black thongs
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
