oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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