Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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