I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
