I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize
