Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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