Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
