Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
