I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
