Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
