who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
