he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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