i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
