is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
