Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
