I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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