anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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