I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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